Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
