im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
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You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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