Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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