Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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