next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
