Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
