Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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