I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
