I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
