If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
