Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
