He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
