she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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