God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
