Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
