I wish my penis had an off switch
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy