listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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