literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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