well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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