I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
