I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
