I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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