Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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