listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
