I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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