Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
