i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
