so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
