How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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