New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
