Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize