I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
