so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
