it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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