Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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