Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
