why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
