i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
