im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
