can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
