omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
