Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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