what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
