I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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