No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
