sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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