You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
