it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
