My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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