addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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