Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
