It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
