I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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