Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
