well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
