I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
