Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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