Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
