Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
