If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize