I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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