i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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