At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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