her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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