clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
