Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish I only lived at night.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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