i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
