well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
