I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
